Apple built it, now who's gonna buy it?

After several weeks of rumors, today Apple finally announced its new products for 2005. Allow me to breeze over the new software (a new version of iLife and a new package called iWork) and stop briefly on the new iPod Shuffle.

Apple is releasing two flash-based iPods, a 512 MB version for $99 and a 1 GB version for $149. These players hold a small fraction of what you'll find on the full-on iPods, but the low cost for the iPod brand means a teenager can ask for one and Dad won't get a coronary when he finds out it costs $400. It's too bad Apple didn't come out with these in November or December, because I bet they would have sold through the roof. Still, the iPod shuffle's mini hard drive makes it a toy compared to it's larger siblings.

Okay, with that out of the way, here's what I'm really interested in: the Mac Mini. Apple's touting this as the most affordable Mac ever, starting at $499. Apple even goes so far as to say it's "Everything you ever wanted, nothing you don’t need." While it may have nothing you don't need, it unfortunitely also doesn't have plenty that you do need. Consider this list of things missing from the Mac Mini:

A monitor. If you don't already have one, you're looking at shelling out a couple hundred bucks (minimum) to get a decent monitor.

Keyboard/mouse. I'm torn on this one. In recent years Apple's keyboards and mice have been complete, utter crap, so ultimately you're better off with your own keyboard and mouse anyway, but a new computer user is going to have to buy these things, and will probably end up buying them from the Apple store, so why not just include a basic keyboard and mouse and keep it simple for the n00bs?

Ports. Okay, this is a big one. Apple touts that with the USB ports you can conveniently use your favorite keyboard and mouse. That's true, but if you have a normal keyboard (read: one that doesn't have an onboard USB port where you can plug in a mouse), plugging in that keyboard and your mouse has just taken up all your USB ports. Sure, you've got an available firewire port for your iPod (an obvious choice since these machines are targeting iPod users new to Apple), but where are you going to plug in your printer, scanner, digital camera, USB flash drive, etc? A USB hub is going to be a mandatory purchase for the Mac Mini.

DVD burner. Granted, not everyone has a digital video camera, and not everyone is burning movies. But given Apple's apparent love affair with the digital lifestyle, I don't understand why DVD burners aren't standard on every computer Apple sells. iLife comes with DVD authoring software, but you can't take advantage of it unless you've upgraded your computer. This, by the way, isn't just a problem with Mac Mini. The iBooks and iMacs have the same problem. Five, heck, even three years ago, this was understandable. It's inexcusable in 2005.

Wireless. Most desktop computers don't really need wireless, but when you're talking about a computer that's only 6.5" square by 2" tall, it begs for portability. You can add a wireless card, but it doesn't come standard.

So who's going to buy this thing? It seems to be an attempt to lure in iPod purchasers, with the idea that they're going to only have to spend $500 to switch to the Mac platform. But there's nothing saying you have to buy a new monitor, keyboard and mouse when you upgrade your Wintel machine, either. And since iTunes works as well on the Windows platform as it does on the Mac, to me it seems like the Mac Mini doesn't really do much to capture the virgin Apple buyers picking up an iPod.

For new computer users, the Mac Mini seems like an even bigger failure. By the time you add in everything I listed above that's missing, you might as well spend an extra $100-200 and get an iMac with the faster G5 processor and built-in display.

The Mac Mini is, ultimately, a laptop computer without a screen. Who's going to buy these things? My prediction: Schools upgrading their Mac labs (though that's debatable with the slower processor) and uneducated consumers who ain't so good with the ciphering (read: people who don't want to buy the slighty more expensive G5 iMac).

The only positive application I can see for the Mac Mini is this: You use it as your primary computer at work, you have a monitor/keyboard/mouse at home, so you can unhook it at work and hook it in at home. This is actually cool because the Mac Mini is more portable than a regular laptop - I could probably fit the Mac Mini in the large pocket inside my winter coat. But when you factor in how many people actually have Macs at work (very, very few) and how many of those people would be better off with a laptop, and the fact that most businesses aren't going to be buying machines with the now-underpowered G4 processor, well, I'm back where I started: Who's going to buy this thing? My guess: Nobody (but perhaps I'm underestimating [or is it overestimating?] the uneducated masses).

Thoughts anybody?