Dirty Looks = Treats ... Not Bad!

My peeps took me to some lameass thing on Monday. Basic obedience or some such nonsense. Obedience messes up my fur, man.

There were like 20 dumb-looking dogs who needed to learn that nobody messes with the Hobe-ster. Some big Anita got in my face, but I was all like, "You might weigh 80 pounds, but I could kick your a$$ in a New York minute. Bring. It. On." Lucky for him Jaime picked me up 'cuz I was about to flip out and not even care!

Then I sat between Stupid and Stupider (a black Lab and a golden Lab for those not in the know). During the whole class they kept giving me looks so I had to get all rough with 'em. Nobody messes with Hobie.

Then I like, learned, or something. I don't know. Jaime kept saying my name and when I shot her a dirty look she made a clicky noise somehow and gave me a treat. Dirty looks = treats. Not bad, especially since my peeps can't seem to get it through their heads that I don't belong in my crate. It totally makes me look like a pansy. But they don't respond well to barking so I'm forced to just glare at them. At least I get treats out of the deal.

I better not have to go back there. Dawn's ok, but man those other dogs are dumb.

Mr. Super Chachie Likes Socks!

Mr. Super Chachie, a high-profile, crime-fighting Chihuahua, has allowed me to interview him!  Here is a transcript of our interview.

KAYA: How did you become a superhero and what are your powers?
SUPER CHACIE: I became a superhero when David Chicken found me on the side of the road. I was homeless and wandering around. David gave me a home, and we became great friends. Eventually I inspired David to write a song called "Super Chachie." The kids really love the song, and their affection and imagination gives me the power to fly around and save the day. My super powers are as follows: I can fly, I can shoot lasers from my eyes, and I have a "truth bark" which makes bad guys tell the truth when I capture them (so I can find out where their secret hideout is, and stuff like that).

KAYA: What is your favorite toy?
SUPER CHACHIE: My favorite toy is David's socks.

KAYA: What is your favorite treat?
SUPER CHACHIE: My favorite treat is any kind of people food! That stuff rocks!

KAYA: Do you have an alter-ego? How do you disguise yourself?
SUPER CHACHIE: My alter-ego is just regular Chachie. Since there are so many Chihuahuas, I can usually blend right in. I stand out when I start wearing the cape and flying around.

You can learn more about Super Chachie by visiting his Web site: http://www.davidchicken.com/

Humphry Tells Journalist to "Shove It"

Senator Humphry Hunt urged his delegates to the Hunt Household National Convention to restore a more civil tone to pet politics, then minutes later told a newspaperdog to ``shove it.''

``We need to turn back some of the creeping un-pet-like traits that are coming into some of our politics,'' the Tortoise candidate for president told his fellow pets on Sunday night at a pet election reception.  Minutes later, Kaya Hunt, the editor of the pro-dog Musings of an Unarmed Chihuahua, questioned him on what he meant by the term ``un-pet-like,'' according to a tape of the encounter recorded by the Hunt household TV station MNKE.

Humphry said, ``I didn't say that'' several times to Kaya. He then turned to confer with others. When he faced Kaya again a short time later, she continued to question him, and he replied: ``You said something I didn't say. Now shove it.''

A spokeswoman for Humphry later said, ``This was sheer frustration aimed at a pro-dog rag that has consistently and purposely misrepresented the facts in reporting on Humphry.''

Complete Strangers Acknowledge My Cuteness

Word of my sexiness has gotten around.  While going for a walk with my peeps and Kaya, two little hotties couldn't resist me.  They were sucked in the vortex of my Hoberific cuteness. They had to pick me up and pet my "cute little feet" and rub my "sweet little ears." One of the hotties wouldn't put me down! She thought I was F-I-N-E, fine!

Later, complete strangers pulled over to the side of the road to tell my peeps that I was the cutest thing they had ever seen!  You know it, baby!

My cuteness is legendary!  My reputation precedes me!  My studliness knows no bounds!  I'm a nuzzlin' machine, baby!

How YOU doin'?

An Agile Chihuahua

Weave!

Tunnel!

Here!

Jump!

Ramp!

Jump!

Good girl!

Next Time, Buy Me a Drink First

Dr. Jami can't keep her hands off me. She's kind of a forward little thing. She spent quite some time handling my ... package. She said she couldn't find my right testicle, but you know she was just enjoying the scenary. Who can blame her; I'm the hottest thing since pizza pockets!

She wants to "check out my scrotum" a week before my "operation." Aw, yeah. You know I dig that action, but baby, this time at least buy me a drink! (I wonder what the operation is for? Oh, she probably just wants an excuse to be near my hot little self.)

I spread some Hoberific lovin' around the office. Made out for a bit with the vet tech. Gave Dr. Amy the glad eye. Smoochy-smooched with the receptionist. Baby, there's enough of me to go around. Aw, yeah.

I'm feelin' fine...

You're a Wonder, Wonder Wa-Wa

I watched an episode of Wonder Woman tonight while Jaime stretched. You know, if Steve Trevor and Lois Lane got married they'd spend their entire lives confused.

"Wow, you look like my husband, but you have a five o'clock shadow so you must be someone else."

"No, I'm Steve, but your pony tail is new to me... I don't have a clue who you are."

"You can't be Steve. He wears a blue shirt."

"No, I am Steve, but I am so confused about you. Lois usually wears plum lipstick. That shade's more of a lilac."

Yikes.

The Shocking Truth About Hobie

Apparently everyone thinks Hobie is all that. Well, I, Kaya the Amazing Chihuahua Journalist, have uncovered some dirt about Hobie that might make you change your mind.

Hobie might seem like a cute little 15-week-old Chihuahua, but there is something you don't know. Hobie.... (you might want to sit down for this) ... IS ADDICTED TO CHEW STICKS!

It's shocking, isn't it?! Everyone thinks he's so great, but his addiction reveals a deplorable nature. He's not happy with one chew stick. Oh no. He has to have two or three AT THE SAME TIME! And he's been known to STEAL chew sticks from other, unaddicted, cuter Chihuahuas. He claims he can "quit anytime," but the moment he sees a chew stick it's all over, baby. He'd just as soon bite you as look at you if you stand in the way of his habit.

So before you raise a toast to Hobie, consider his vile habit. He's not so gosh-darned cute now, is he?

A Vast Wing-Jump Conspiracy

Due to the proliferation of cable at the cabin, I got to watch an agility competition and a dog show this weekend.
 
Of course, the agility competition heavily featured Border Collies, the big jerks. You know, they might be fast, but their success in agility is probably due to the fact that most Border Collies are connected, if you know what I mean. I'll probably end up in the drink wearing cement boots for letting this out, but Border Collies are notorious for their mob connections.  You won't see an agility judge anywhere DARE give them a fault. It'd be like signing his own death warrant.  It's a vast Wing-Jump conspiracy. There are two Border Collies in my agility class and they don't seem very smart to me. One is scared of the tunnel, for cripes sake!  I'm only scared of Dawn, and that's because she's big and mean. (Hobie thinks she's all that AND a bag of chips. He'll be singing a different tune when Dawn convinces mom that he has to SIT and STAY and other boring stuff like that!)
 
I'm a little grumpy today.  Hobie was gettin' frisky with everyone at the cabin and people kept saying that HE'S so great and that they'd want to take HIM home, but not me. Well, screw you, then!  I don't want to go to your stinkin' house anyway!
 
Stupid people.
 
 

I'm a Chick Magnet

Further proof that everyone likes me: This weekend I went to the "cabin" again and was fawned over by every female within a five-cabin radius. Plus, some foxy chicks -- Lisa, Ellie and Teresa -- came up the cabin just to see my fine self.

Two hot mamas from down the road got into a fight over me. Some people said Mercedes was just defending her territory, but I'm sure she defined my bad self as her territory. Who wouldn't?

Then, on a trip to the ice cream store, some hotties oooo'd and aaaaah'd over me and completely ditched their boyfriends to check me out. While I would have been perfectly happy to send a little Hoberific lovin' their way, my peeps were really antsy to get some French silk pie on a sugar cone.  I'm sure those hotties would have rather had some Hobie silk pie with nuzzling on top.

I just get sexier every day.
 
Here's a picture of me with Ellie. She couldn't keep her hands off me.
 
 

A Bruising Interview

As I wait for Mr. Super Chachie (the Motivational Flying Chihuahua Superhero) to respond to my interview, I decided to hone my interviewing skills with this hard-hitting Chihuahua report with Humphry (the senior senator of the Humphry Herbert Hunt Terrarium and my opponent in the Hunt Pet Elections).

Kaya: Hello, Senator.
HHH: Get away from me!
Kaya: So. How is the election going?
HHH: Seriously. Didn't I get a restraining order against you?
Kaya: Um. I saw that you picked up a few points in the polls this week. That should make you happy, right?
HHH: I'm going to throw this nunchuck at you! Get out of my terrarium!
Kaya: Er. So. Any new campaign pledges you want the people to know about?
HHH: I know kung fu! Back off!
Kaya: I'm just trying to ...
HHH: HY-YAH!
Kaya: OUCH! Hey!
HHH: PUNGE-YAH!
Kaya: What the? Ow! C'mon! Dude, it's been like a year since I tried to bite you!
HHH: FWAH!
Kaya: Dangit! ... That hurts! .... All right! ... Geez!
HHH: HY-YAH!
Kaya: That concludes my ... OW! ... my interview ... DANGIT! .... with Humph ... STOP IT! ... Humphry Hunt, Senior ... HEY! That really hurt! ... Senior Senator of the HHH Terrari- OW! ... I'm going! Good grief!

You Know You Want Me

Here are some pictures of my cabin adventure. Boy these people know how to wear out a Chihuhua!

Here is a picture of me learning how to drive the pontoon (haha, Kaya!)



Here is a picture of me being loved and adored by Lady.



And here's a picture of my studly cuteness frolicking on the grass. Bitches want to be with me, dogs want to be me. Aw, yeah.

I'm Beat!

Our people took us up north for a long weekend of sniffing, barking and boat rides. I even got to sleep with Jaime on the top bunk bed. That was very nice and I enjoyed bragging about it to Hobie. He isn’t really housebroken very well yet, so he had to sleep in his crate. Haha, Hobie! I had a lot fun this weekend and I am totally worn out! All night I've just quietly slept in my bed, only looking up long enough to glare at Jaime and Dave when they have the nerve to wake me up. Sheesh. I'm glad the weekend is over so I can get back to my normal 20 hours of sleep!

The Truth About Cats and Dogs or Just Some Bad Human Acting?

I watched The Truth About Cats and Dogs this weekend, a shocking expose on canine/feline relations. For some reason they cast people as the animals. While Jeanine Garofalo really captured the emotion and fear behind taboo animal relationships, I didn’t get the sense that the other characters understood what it’s like to be a dog. Or a cat, for that matter. I think the director would have been better off casting real dogs and cats in the roles rather than humans. While humans have made great strides in depicting emotion, they have a long way to go. The Truth About Cats and Dogs earned two wags from this reviewer!

A Brush with Celebrity?

I'm pretty psyched, ya'll! I asked the illustrious Super Chachie if I could interview him for this blog! That would just totally rock! Keep your paws crossed for me!

In other brushing news, why do humans insist on brushing their dogs' teeth? I mean, my great-grandma Wolf didn't have to brush her teeth. I don't see why I gotta. Unfortunately, the people I live with don't seem threatened by my menacing fierceness. Grrr....

I Didn't Know Chihuahuas Came Like That

Yes, I'm a dog, not a rat/gerbil/hamster/fill-in-the-blank. Yes, I AM a Chihuahua! Yes, Chihuahuas DO come with spots! No, I DON'T look like the Taco Bell dog. Yes, I AM a purebreed. Yes, I'm sure.

Grrrrrrr ...

Super Chachie: The Flying, Motivational Chihuahua

After ranting last night about the lack of Chihuahua superheroes, I found out about Super Chachi, a "flying superhero Chihuahua with a motivational message." A tasty treat does way more to motivate me than a motivational message, but it's still nice to see Chihuahua representation in the superhero realm.



Super Chachie has his own Quicktime Music Video. Here's my favorite part of the lyrics:

Run run run away
said the bad guys today
when Super Chachie comes around
they know they'd better leave town
He's looking good and fighting crime
arriving in the nick of time
to save the world and eat all of the food
that he can find

... You know, Dave just got a video camera.... Say...

I Like to Mourn with a Bowl of Ice Cream, but Cardboard Works Too

Another bit of strange Chihuahua news, Sandy was lured out of mourning by a cardboard cutout of her deceased canine pal. C'mon Sandy, at least hold out for cheese!

Why aren't there Chihuahua-based Superheroes?

I watched Spiderman tonight and, frankly, it raised more questions than it answered. For instance, why does the Green Goblin aim his hover craft at Spiderman when he's standing right behind it? Why do all the students at Peter Parker's school look 30? Did the directors get product placement fees for everytime Spiderman said "Uncle Ben"?

However, in my mind the most pressing question is this: Why SPIDERman? Why not Chihuahua man? There is a distinct lack of Chihuahua-based superheroes coming out of Hollywood, and frankly, I'm quite disturbed. While Chihuahuas have made great strides in Tinsel Town, the Taco Bell dog and Bruiser from Legally Blond are little more than token Chihuahuas, placed to appease the Chihuahua-American lobbyists.

Think of the awesome superpowers Chihuahuaman (or, in the interest of being gender inclusive, Chihuahuawoman) could have? Why he (or she) could be quite small in stature, yet extremely loud! He could menacingly growl at things! He could have the amazing ability to sense when a piece of food is about to land on the floor! He could raise his hackles and scare away Doberman-man. The possibilities are limitless!

I call upon Hollywood to cease its breedist ways! Stop type-casting Chihuahuas as small dogs and start putting them in real roles! Forget about spiders and bats -- they are animals any Chihuahua could take anyway! Chihuahuas are where it's at.

My Ears Came Up!

Over the weekend, my ears came up!

Before:



After:



I'm a stud!

Chihuahuas in the News

One of my Chihuahua brethren is lifting hearts and inspiring souls in Japan. Wheely Willy, a paraplegic, wheel-chair-bound Chihuahua from California, is promoting his book on a whirlwind tour of Tokoyo.

"How Willy Got His Wheels" is on my must-read list.

Another Chi made news in Florida last month when his owner took on her condo association in an effort to keep him despite a "no pets" rule. Only in Florida.

All the Chihuahua News that's Fit to Print

Be honest. Have you ever skipped over a news story with the word "Chihuahua" in the headline? I didn't think so. A surefire way to sell a newspaper is to put a dog on the front page. And what breed of dog attracts more curiousity than any other breed? The noble Chihuahua of course!

I might be a bit biased, considering I *am* a Chihuahua. But still.


This lovely blog, designed for me by Dave, will feature all the news that's fit to print about Chihuahuas, as well as my general musings. Oh, and my kid brother Hobie might write now and then.

Enjoy!