Latest News

Humphry declares candidacy

There comes a time in every tortoise’s life when he must ask not what his terrarium can do for him, but what he can do for his terrarium.

As many of you know, I have already answered that question. I have answered the call to perform my civic duty and have served as the Senior Senator from the HHH Terrarium.

Under my benevolent rule, taxes have remained low, we have maintained an impressive record of low unemployment, and I’ve worked hard to keep the dandelion distribution lines open, despite labor problems with the Dandelion Grower’s Association.

In short, citizens of the HHH Terrarium have prospered. It is this same prosperity that I desire to bring to every member of the Hunt family. Young, old, cat, dog, and yes, even tortoise, can come together to improve our quality of life.

You may wonder what one tortoise could possibly to do improve the quality of life for so many. My answer to that is simple: Plenty.

Let me tell you a little story. It’s the story of a tortoise from a small Greek village. Early in his life he was sold into captivity and sent off to a strange land called “America.” For a few years he was shuffled through the slave trade channels of corporate pet stores, until one day, some good people came and bought him, gave him a new terrarium regularly stocked with dandelions, and set him free to establish his own autonomous form of government in his new homeland.

That tortoise, ladies and gentlemen, is me.

So don’t tell me one tortoise can’t make a difference. Don’t tell me we can’t come together to make this house a better place. And don’t you dare even think about telling me dandelions are out of season.

My name is Humphry Herbert Hunt, and it is my honor to declare my candidacy for Pet President of the Hunt Household.